AND THE WINNER IS…

Last night’s Oscars reminded me not so much of an awards show but as a remake of the 2017 Women’s March—albeit with more glamour and over-the-top styling. It was as though everyone was channeling Michele Obama’s “when they go low, we go high.”

And they did. They soared. (OK, I admit, I’m a sucker for award shows.)

While there were pointed comments, it was not an anti-Trump fest (although VPOTUS received a not-so-honorable mention) or an anti-Weinstein diatribe (although it could have been). It was, instead, a celebration of inclusivity, grace and dignity.

And this being Hollywood, it was a celebration of dreams--and Dreamers--whether they were above- or below-the-line artists determined to shape and tell their stories or immigrants fighting for their right to pursue a better life.

We all have dreams. We all have things we want to do but don’t always know how to make them real. Here are three steps to take if you’re feeling stuck:

1. Start small. Take one small step or make one small change to bring your dream into focus. One success breeds another and keeps you motivated to get through the challenging times.

2. Have a Plan B. Keep your eye on the prize and get ready to pivot if the path you’re on seems to be a dead end.

3.  Hold yourself accountable. Set a deadline, tell a friend, be public about this dream. You never know who can provide just the right insights that will bring you closer to your goal. A deadline keeps you and your energies focused.

Whatever you dream, you owe it to your { self } and the world to bring it to life in the full light of day.

What are your dreams? Please share in the comments below

FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD

There’s an old saying Washington, DC: you don’t want to see the sausage being made.

Let me tell you: you don’t want to see the sausage being un-made either. Squeezing the meat out of the casing is every bit as gross as you can imagine. Yet, when all the ingredients come together in the pan, the process yields—like a good piece of legislation—a thing of beauty. Every special interest or ingredient is happy. Ecco risotto con salsiccia.

For those who know me, the fact that I am cooking at all is miraculous enough. With few exceptions, the kitchen has been closed since my son left for college over ten years ago. Of course, I cooked for him when he came home or when I entertained, but apart from that, my dinners were lean and uninspired. Also there was lots of takeout.

What changed?

This past December, I visited a friend in Sarasota. And as I waited in line to board the plane, I saw something that froze my marrow. You know how the elderly and persons with handicaps are allowed to board first? Well, there were about eight women, bent and pale, sour and sad, sitting in wheelchairs waiting in line to get on the plane. These were not airport wheelchairs either. These belonged to the women.

And I freaked out. I thought to myself: This could be you, this is your future. You can’t always count on good luck and good genes. You’ve got to eat better and take better care of yourself.

And that was hard to swallow.

Yes, for a whole bunch of reasons (download Fat Girl, if you haven’t already), I have a “thing” about food. About appetite. I have watched everything I’ve ever put in my mouth for as long as I can remember. I work out. I eat good things. But I denied my hunger. I chose not think about food. I rarely cooked and my refrigerator was not only pristine but virtually empty.

This is nuts, omega-3 infused walnut, nuts.

But those old ladies scared me to death. And it wasn’t their wheelchairs so much as their affect. How much time do I have? I thought, I can’t live like that.

So after Florida, I started to cook. I started with things I liked to eat and prepare. Chinese food. Risotto. Roast chicken à la provençale. I tried Blue Apron, which I think is great, but there’s just too way much food for one person. I can only do/eat so much.

And, you know what? It’s been fun. I had forgotten how much fun it could be. I eat only what appeals, as much or as little as I want, and cooking only a few nights a week, on my schedule (not because it’s expected) is very satisfying. D'uh!

And Maxxie, my dachshund, likes being a taster.

I’m in control. I feel more energetic. I enjoy the creative challenge. More importantly I feel that I am honoring my body and my appetites, satisfying them, and acknowledging, “Yes, you are important. Let’s pay attention to what you need. What you like. You deserve the best.”

Delizioso!

What are you hungry for? What do you do to feed your { self }? And how do you feel about it?

THE TALKING CURE

How well do you know your body? Really? Sure, you’re well acquainted with the mirror or phone camera lens version but if you dare to really look at yourself, what do you see?

Most of us see nothing but flaws. Something that we need to “fix” with a new, more rigorous diet or exercise program, a make-over or even aesthetic surgery. We’re never satisfied, never happy. We rarely relax the eternal vigilance that is the price of meeting (mostly someone else’s) standards of beauty. And if we do, we punish ourselves with shame and regret.

Please stop. Just. Please. Stop. This is not living the life you want or deserve.

Rather than reflexively finding fault, why not try looking at yourself with love? (I know…crazy, right?) To appreciate the unique and lovely characteristics that make you, you. To take pleasure in your strengths and find self-affirming ways to make sustainable, positive change.

Conditional love is not love. It’s denial by another name. When we engage in a deeper conversation with our bodies and listen to what they are telling us, then we can finally see, love and heal our {selves }.

BREAKING UP (WITH OLD HABITS) IS HARD TO DO

The other day, I was working with a client on a food and mood journal (something I strongly recommend whether or not you’re looking to lose weight) and it made me think—especially in this season of overwhelm—about goals and resolutions.

We all know about SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound. They’re basically precise data points that you set so you can stay on track and measure your progress. Over time, you realize, “hey, I can do this!”

But before you can be SMART, you have to be self-aware. Why are you setting these goals? What’s your motivation? Is it based on something someone else thinks is right? Or is it something you truly desire—and are willing to work hard for? Like so many things, unless you know the “why” behind the want, you’re just paying lip service.

Change is hard. Recognizing what you need to do to shed those limiting beliefs or get out of your comfort zone—or own way—is harder still. It’s scary. But with a mindful approach and some courage, change can be exhilarating.

Experimenting with a new you, envisioning success in a new way, and yes, keeping a journal, can be just the first step you need to becoming your best { self  } in 2018.

Do you have some old habits you’d like to change or kick to the curb? Please share in the comments below.

FIGHTING MAD

For the past year—since before the election, really—I have been depressed and afraid. Very afraid.

But now I’ve moved into anger.

I don’t know where that falls on the continuum of grief, but it is where I have landed. I am speechless with rage.  

Last Tuesday, I went to bed feeling pretty happy with the election results. On Wednesday, I couldn’t stop smiling. Then came Kevin Spacey. Louis CK. And, just in time for the weekend, Roy Moore. One can only imagine what will be revealed this week.

If I were a Christian, I would be appalled at the perversion of my faith.

If I were a Republican, I would worry about the future of my party.

As it is, I am a woman and I am fighting mad. I can’t stop thinking about the sign I saw at the Women’s March, which said, “I can’t believe we’re still fighting about this.” Yet, here we are. Still fighting for justice, autonomy, equality and the right to move through life unmolested and unafraid.

To all those who delight in parsing how many predators can dance on the head of a woman’s hairpin, I would just like to ask: in what universe is masturbating in public ever acceptable behavior? (Louis CK).

In what book of manners or morals is pedophilia ever allowed (Roy Moore and the “if-then” crowd)?

And what HR regulation empowers you to hire the spy agency of a foreign nation to intimidate and compromise an accuser (as Weinstein is said to have done with Israel’s Mossad)?

I became a health coach to help women like us overcome the limiting beliefs that undermine our confidence and restrict our ambition. I wanted them (and you) to learn from my experience so you can give yourself the permission to dream big and go after those dreams—and feel good doing it.

In that spirit, I’d like to propose that we (re)commit to hearing each other, helping each other and fighting for each other. Support and sponsor other women. Advocate for their interests and well-being when they are threatened. Don’t be afraid to speak up and stand up in the face of injustice. Believe in yourself and your ability to make a change.

We don’t all have to agree on every issue, but when we stand together we can finally put to rest the sense of privilege and entitlement that tries to silence us and keep us in our place. When we fight back, we become our toughest
{ selves }.

It's OK to be angry. How will you channel that anger into positive change? Please tell us in the comments below.

HE SAID. WE ACT.

Whoops, he did it again. Harvey Weinstein (60 and counting). Bill O’Reilly (millions and millions paid). Roman Polanski (recently accused of molesting a 10-year-old). And now, Mark Halperin (who only now recognizes his behavior was “inappropriate”).

Can’t someone rid us of these troublesome men? Yes, we can. We can take action.

Let’s start with the perps. The ones who make us choose between our money and our lives. Here’s a pro tip: Sexual assault and its handmaidens of threats, retaliation, trolling, revenge and blackmail is beyond wrong. It is criminal. It is not up to us to say no or live in fear of provoking you. It is up to you to not do it in the first place.

Let’s talk about families because respect and decency start at home. Parents need to teach and re-teach their sons that men of good character do not harass/aggress/assault women. Ever. Parents, especially dads, need to nurture their daughters’ self-esteem and empower them to stand up for their bodies and their dignity.

And let’s put sexual assault in the larger context of power plays. Because that’s what it is: an abuse of power. 

When legislators pass laws that deny you autonomy over your body (contraception, reproduction, gender expression), that’s abuse.

When companies perpetuate the wage gap or practice hiring discrimination, that’s abuse.

When the leaders of our country undermine our well-being with policies that threaten our civil rights, social safety net and the environment, that’s abuse.

The list goes on and on. But we can stop it. Hold the abusers/predators accountable. Speak up. Fight back. Tell the world. Whatever works. You won't be judged or shamed. The perps will.

By becoming our own best advocates, we become our most powerful { selves }.

RIDING THE WAVES

Sundays are fun days for me. If I don’t have a deadline, I can spend the entire day worshipping at the shrine of the two newspapers—the sainted New York Times and Washington Post. The dead tree versions. Not digital.

Today was one of those days. And one of the most interesting articles I came across was in the NYT Business Section, specifically “Corner Office,” which interviews business leaders (some names you may recognize, others not) and asks them about their earliest influences, early leadership lessons, what they’re looking for when they hire and what they tell recent college grads. They are all uniformly enlightening.

Today’s piece profiled Dion Weisler, Chief Executive, HP, Inc. And he mentioned a management technique that he finds especially useful: the three waves of innovation. It’s based on surfing (Weisler grew up in Australia).  The first wave is the one you’re currently on, say, your core business or life's journey. The second is the waves that are coming—which do you choose. That usually has to do with growth. And the third is “what all great surfers do…go home and pull the weather reports and figure out when the next big one is coming.” In other words, predicting trends that you can get a jump on. Or as he calls it “pure invention and category creation.”

In a sense, we’re all surfers. The first wave is our every day life and that can be challenging enough. The waves that are coming are your dreams and goals. Which offers the greatest personal, professional, psychic growth? And then, the third wave…reinvention. If you could ride the magic surfboard, how would you steer it and leverage the energy of the wave beneath you? How can you create the life you want or don’t even know you want yet? 

I am forever indebted to Dion Weisler for this powerful metaphor. I hope you are too. Tell us here how you plan to channel the waves in your life so you can become your most innovative { self }.

THE START OF SOMETHING GOOD

For most of us, January 1 marks the start of a new year. For others, it's back to school in late August-early September. But for Jews the world over, it’s now—the High Holy Days when the new year begins with the change of the seasons.

But you don’t have to be Jewish (as the old Levy’s rye bread ads used to say) to appreciate the absolute gift this holiday gives us. First of all, it really is a celebration. Rosh Hashanah marks the birth of the universe. The biggest of all effervescent, big bangs. Yom Kippur for all its solemnity gives us all a fresh start—vacating old promises and obligations and making new, more intentional vows to ourselves and others. (And, if you believe in it, to a deity.)

We’re now midway between the two holidays. And while I’m not an especially observant person, I’m enjoying the sense of renewal and re-invention. The liberation that comes from forgiveness and gratitude. A feeling I hope you can share—whatever your religious practice.

So I wish you a sweet year and a healthy one. And hope you find ways to becoming your best, most inspired { self }.

If you were making resolutions of the new year, what would they be? Tell us in the comments below.

THE SEPTEMBER ISSUES

One of my favorite memories of my mother involves sitting on her bed and reviewing the September issues of all the big fashion magazines. Then, as now, they were as thick as phone books and full of fantasy—a kaleidoscope of color, texture and style.

We studied every page from the front cover to the last, including and most especially the ads (which she taught me were simply “editorial” in another form). For once, there were no battles over food, (my) weight or failure to meet her standards. We were simply art lovers in search of visual stimulation.

Back then, there was no body positivity movement. Diversity—ethnic, gender, age—was not a thing. It was pretty binary: skinny, young white women in front of the camera while mostly white men dressed, photographed and styled them.

But I was unaware of that then. I just loved what I saw before me and, more importantly, those rare intimate moments with my mom. Now, of course, things have changed. Ashley Parker and her mannequin sisters are redefining beauty at every size. “Glamour,” long an advocate of women’s achievement, is committed to recruiting more women behind the camera (Hollywood, are you listening?) and “Teen Vogue” has been on the forefront, in this category, of speaking truth to political power.

After a break of many years when I didn’t look at them, I recently picked up a couple of September issues that caught my eye at the checkout aisle at the grocery store. And I’m happy to see that the clothes are still glorious (if not mostly out of reach). The makeup, still beguiling. And the ads, still worth deconstructing. (After all that maternal training, is it any wonder I turned out to be an advertising copywriter?)

But there’s more substance now to the fluff. More thought-provoking and inspiring articles along with the eye-popping accessories. More women of all ages, sizes, backgrounds and outlooks. I wish my mother were here to see it.

Like any high-calorie treat, these September issues are meant to be consumed sparingly, without guilt. You don’t have to look like the girls and women on those pages to be beautiful. You are beauty enough. Instead, just enjoy them for what they are—a buzzy, blingy distraction designed to delight your most aesthetically minded { self }.

What are some of your best September memories or rituals? Share them in the comments below.

UPENDED

I’m sitting here on this mournful morning thinking about what to write to you. With all that’s going on in the world, the usual subjects, treated the usual way, just don’t seem adequate or appropriate to the day or mood.

With your indulgence, I’m going to try to work through how I feel in the hopes that it can help you with whatever you’re dealing with at the moment.

Yesterday, I came across an article about diversity—how it’s as important to our diets as it is to our society. Pure homogeneity is unhealthy. We need a mix of foods, ingredients and color to fuel our bodies and feel our best.

Equally, when our body politic is nourished with diversity—ethnic, gender, age, experience—we’re better off for it. Communities are stronger when everyone is given every opportunity to succeed and contribute, when differences are seen and valued, not stifled or condemned. We’re not playing the identity politics card here. When we do this, we are living our national truth: out of many, one.

Charlottesville and Barcelona have shown us yet again how hate and intolerance—like the most toxic of junk foods—poison the soul. To bring about greater diversity and lovingkindness requires us to be our bravest, most honorable {selves}.

As always, I value your thoughts. Please share your comments below.