One Girl Blog
THE BEST GIFTS TO GIVE AND RECEIVE
That’s on your holiday gift list? Is it stuffed with stuff? This year, why not take a step back from all the (re)gifting frenzy and think about what’s really important. Small things that can make a huge difference long after the wrapping paper has been thrown away (properly recycled, of course!).
Here are four gifts that keep on giving:
The gift of time. Fun fact: time is not elastic. No one ever has enough. Be mindful of others’ time pressures and, if you can, help them out. Run an errand, be an extra set of hands, make a meal. In short, do something this person needs but doesn’t have time to do or even ask for. The bonus? It will come back to you. When you least expect it, someone will step in and free up minutes in your day.
The gift of listening. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone is to listen. You don’t have to be the smartest person in the room. You don’t have to have all the answers. Your gift is to stay present (even if you’ve heard this story before), hear him/her out and empathize. Giving someone your complete and non-judgmental attention without interruption can validate their experience and help them find their own solutions in their own way. That can be such a loving gesture. (Can’t find someone to listen to you? Write down what’s on your mind. Don’t worry about style or form. Just write yourself a letter from the heart. You’ll find the answers you’re looking for.)
The gift of solitude. Social media creates false intimacy and a “fear of missing out” that feeds on itself especially when we’re feeling vulnerable or alone. At a time of great sorrow in her life, Anne Morrow Lindbergh wrote, “The best antidote for loneliness is solitude.” (I can tell you this is true.) By embracing solitude, you make a positive choice to put yourself and your desires first. It’s Self-Care 101 that helps you get to know yourself on a whole new level and learn how to relate to others in a more authentic way.
The gift of fitrition. (Yes, I made that word up.) Eat food that makes you feel good about yourself in the moment and in the mirror later. Share meals that celebrate love and pleasures of taste. Watch your portions, drink more water and take a breath before you lift your fork. (You know all this!) Then, integrate exercise into your day. Not only because it helps you burn off calories but because the endorphins lift your spirits. It’s all about balancing body and soul, physical and emotional, singular and social. Make every meal and every step count. You deserve it.
What’s the best gift you’ve ever received? Or given? Tell us here.
HOW TO MAKE THESE THE “BEST OF TIMES”
Are your holidays typically served with a side order of stress and indigestion? This year, try these tips for getting through the next few weeks with your sanity, wallet and waistline intact:
1. Start with gratitude. Giving thanks for what you have isn’t just a nice, socially acceptable thing to do. It’s good for your health. Like any mindfulness or meditation practice, it can lower your blood pressure, keep the inflammatory response to stress in check, increase feelings of connection, enhance positive emotions like joy, optimism and good will towards men (and women). Rather than bitterly survey what you don’t have or didn’t achieve, take stock of the little (or big) things that have contributed to your well-being in the past twelve months. Even disappointments can open your mind to new possibilities for the future. (And set the stage for next year’s gratitude exercise.)
2. Share the joys (and burdens) of the season. Don’t be a martyr to the “shoulds” of celebration. Engage others in cooking, holiday card and thank you note-writing, gift-shopping and cleaning up. It will minimize resentment and create a better bonding experience by involving family and friends.
3. Find humor. When the dog pees, when the cats break a bauble, when you’re feeling sad, remember it’s just a day. Don’t make it more than it is. Plus, as Nora Ephron used to say, life is material and whatever goes wrong can be re-purposed later into a great story to tell.
4. Try compassion. For yourself and for others. Get over the idea of the perfect meal, gift or event. Start a new tradition of love, forgiveness and empathy. That's a gift that keeps on giving.
5. Boost your endorphins. Resist the stress of Black Friday’s impulse spending (and long-term debt) with some exercise, a movie or museum visit or a day of service. Caring for yourself or others can go a long way in re-framing our holiday experience and making it a more emotionally rewarding time of year.
Happy holidays!
MIND OVER PLATTER
We are a nation of multi-taskers. Sometimes, that’s a good thing. We get a lot done. Other times—during mealtime, say—it’s a recipe for indigestion, weight gain and misery.
How can you bring order to disordered eating? In a word, mindfulness—living fully in the moment so you can appreciate what you are doing, eating, thinking and feeling in an objective and non-judgmental way.
To bring mindfulness to the table, start by sitting calmly away from any distraction (we’re looking at you iPad, iPhone and TV). Take a deep breath and:
- focus on what you are eating (the color, texture, taste, mouth feel) so you can truly savor (and later remember) the experience.
Why it’s a good thing: Food becomes an aesthetic pleasure (true comfort food), not a drug or the enemy. It fills all your senses.
- eat more slowly and with greater awareness so you can identify the physical signs of hunger, satiety and satisfaction.
Why it’s a good thing: You get to know what your body needs (and find you may not need to eat as much).
- remember how the food makes you feel before, during and after eating so you can separate emotional cues from actual physical hunger.
Why it’s a good thing: You can pre-empt negative emotions (shame, panic, anxiety) that you may feel around food and that fuel overeating and guilt.
- make your own informed decisions about portion size and servings so you can take control of what and how much you eat.
Why it’s a good thing: You see food as nourishment, not a way to fill an emotional void or satisfy others’ expectations.
Just getting started on a mindfulness practice? Check out the Mindfulness Daily app, whose prompts and techniques make it easy to incorporate mindful living every day.
Tags overeating, mindfulness
WHAT WE CAN ALL “LEARN” FROM LENA DUNHAM
I admit it. I am not a fan of “Girls.” I have a hard time empathizing with the show's characters but I’ve seen enough of their creator, Lena Dunham, and her oeuvre to be both captivated and confused by the persona she presents.
On the one hand, she “hates her body” but celebrates it with a mix of outré fashion and in-your-face styling (that is, when she’s not appearing nude). She is perceptive and self-aware yet clearly does not understand the concepts of over-sharing and boundaries. She’s been called a “creative wonder” by Judy Blume and been mentored by none other than Nora Ephron, but read at face value, the essays in “Not That Kind of Girl” are embarrassingly trite (to me anyway). Is this the real Lena Dunham or is there (in the words of David Sedaris) something more “subversive” at play? Is this all a put on? A satire? Performance art from The Onion? Whatever and whoever she really is in her heart of hearts, here are three lessons women of any age can take from her stories and confessions:
1. Be who you are and own it. In a world of look-alike show biz beauties, Lena makes the most of her distinctive appearance and singular point of view. She doesn’t hide who she is and seems impervious to judgments and shaming. Like her or loathe her, she's authentically herself. That takes guts.
2. Don’t be ashamed of your mistakes. Oy! Some of her experiences were wincingly familiar to me and will be to you. When you're confronted with similar disasters, ask yourself "why is this happening for me and what can I learn?" Then move on and make smarter choices.
3. Love generously. “There’s a certain grace,” she says, crediting her mother for the statement, “to having your heart broken.” What you learn about yourself and others can be priceless.
What do you think? Are you “that kind of girl” or not? And what does it all mean for you? Share here.
Tags Lena Dunham, girls
WHAT BECOMES A WOMAN MOST? SELF-CONFIDENCE.
Girls’ confidence is trending. From UnderArmour’s “IwillwhatIwant” and Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty to Sophie Amoruso’s #GirlBoss and even Barbie(!), girl-power advocates and advertisers alike are pushing the empowerment agenda.
Beauty may be skin deep but it is inextricably tied to how we feel about ourselves and how we engage with the world. When weight gets in the way of self-esteem, it can leave scars that last a lifetime. When we don’t know who we are or like what we see, it damages our self-confidence and disempowers us from pursuing our dreams.
One Girl Wellness is committed to helping all women at every age be their best and most authentic selves. This blog will be our forum to explore all the issues—from the sublime to the ridiculous—that influence our self-perceptions, behaviors and actions. We hope you will comment, feel inspired to contribute your own ideas and work towards raising stronger women one girl at a time.
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